One year ago!

One year ago, I packed up and moved to Boston to attend graduate school. I still cannot believe I drove across the country. I will admit that moving to Boston scared me though I know I am suppose to be here. Change is never easy for me and it didn't help that my parents didn't stay that long to really help me settle in Boston because my dad had to get back to teach seminary. I was mad at him about this because sometimes it feels like he loves the youth more than his own family. We fought about it, but I wanted them to stay longer. But they believed I would be okay, but it did not help this big change.

I always focused on how it felt for me to see my parents leave. This past week, my mom and I talked about this whole arrival and them leaving. She admitted to me that it was incredibly difficult for her to leave me here. She wanted to stay and make sure that I was okay. I never considered how hard this separation was for her. She has my dad, Nathan, Laurel and her grand kids in California and Renee and Lewis in Utah. I did not know she had felt that way. How hard this is for her to have me so far away. During these past few months I have struggled with the fact that I might be forgotten. That I don't matter much. That I am disposable. That I am just their to meet their needs. This happens when I start to feel lonely. You see, I love living in Boston, I do, but some days the distance gets to me. This deep seeded feeling that comes up every once and awhile, when the homesickness creeps back up. Those are the hard days, the days I just want to abandon everything here.

I think this happens because I get overwhelmed. Because I feel like no one understands when they do. The days I cry tears and long for home. I am saved by my friends out here, but it is still hard. On these days, I just try to lose myself in work and in school and it helps. I just try to keep busy. I have done well out here. I graduate in a year and I like my job. My ward is fun though me and a few others just got moved into a new ward.

I have found this particulare challenge has made me stronger. I found this strenght in myself I didn't know existed. I get it from my mom. My wonderful mom. She is this strong woman and her love and strength gets me through some of the hardest moments along with my sister, Renee. Without Renee, I would be so lost. She is not only my sister, but my best friend. I tell her everything and I mean everything. She may not always undertand what I am trying to say, but she tries and is always willing to listen. I could not ask for a better sister. I would do anything for her. My dad is their too in the ways he can be. He is my sounding board and just listens as I need to let off steam over anything and everything. I have learned that it is okay to ask for help and that I do not have to do everything myself. I am far from perfect.