Forgiveness

After meeting with a member of my Bishopric today, I have reflected a lot on forgiveness. This man, who is one of the most truly amazing people I know, and I started to discuss forgiveness after a question he asked me regarding family, specifically how my relationships were with my family members. I told him I was struggling, and this is a constant struggle and trial for me, I will freely admit that, as I know the Lord is trying to teach me something, with forgiving others. I have forgiven and forgotten, but I told him I was still struggling with forgiveness because I was tired of forgiving the same people over and over again. I hate that they feel like they can continue to hurt me because I will just automatically forgive them. The Lord commands that we forgive all. I think some of my struggle persists because I am tired of these people hurting me. Just stop!!!

However, I think I have found part of what I need to learn from this trial, I have learned that you can forgive and move on. The people you forgive no longer have to be part of your life because forgiveness does not automatically lead to a renewal of the relationship. Instead, forgiveness allows you to move forward and not backwards. You do not have to go back because I have been burned by going back and I hated the direction I was going. I am still struggling with some of the anger but I am at peace knowing that I am ridding of relationships that are not good for me. The sad part about this all, is that some of these people are family. But in reality, I really do not want them as my family. That is the other lesson I have learned on this journey of forgiveness. Just because you have biological ties, does not mean they are family. I have had some family just do awful things not only me, but to my mom and sister. We are so naturally inclined to forgive and just fall back into these old patterns, where it always ends the same way, we get hurt. And we just continue in this cycle, but I do not want to hurt anymore. I do not want to suffer at their hands. I have had enough. I am trying to break this cycle.

You see the wonderful thing about forgiveness, is that is allows us to move forward. To let go of the hurt and the pain. I am not one hundred percent at this stage yet, but I feel I have taken steps to get here. I have re prioritized how I want in my life as this is what two years living 3,000 miles away allows you to do. I pray every day that I can continue to move forward and just wash away these unhealthy relationships. I know I will have my down days, but I feel that if I just keep walking towards the light, towards God that I will be fine. That I can forgive, forget and move forward. I can move forward knowing exactly what I want in my life because I know exactly what I want. The counselor I spoke to agreed with me and urged me to continue moving forward.